Inner Truths and Outer Truths

Have you ever felt like the person you are presenting to the outside world is a completely different version of the one that you know to be your true self?  This is something that I had felt for so many years on and off, sometimes in a whisper and sometimes in a scream.  The feeling of doing what is expected not what feels right, to satisfy an expectation that you never actually set for yourself but strive to achieve regardless.

This is the difference between living according to your inner truth versus the outer truths that we have imposed upon us.  One of the biggest realizations that I have come to accept over the past few months is that by living according to what I know to be my truth means that I will no longer identify with what society expects of me.  I will no longer be that cis-gender woman who strives to find her Prince Charming and live happily ever after.  Instead I will be a woman who finds happiness in the company of other like-minded women and who will find someone to live happily ever after with, she just won't be a prince.  

I feel incredibly fortunate to come from a family who has embraced me and supported me in my journey and who love me just as much now that I have come out as they did before.  It is this unconditional love that is such a strong part of my foundation as I continue to grow and develop.  It feels almost like going back to being a child and rediscovering who I am all over again, but this time carrying the wisdom of the years I have already lived as a guide.  This is not to say that I don't have moments of uncertainty and doubt, where I look back on my life and just think that this is not how I pictured things.  

But those moments are off-set by the other happier times when I am able to fully sit in my body and really notice how much more authentic I feel these days.  Walking around with my head up and feeling good about who I am and where I'm at.  This is happening more often now and I am always amazed at how much more I actually like the person that I have been trying to hide for so many years.  It feels like going back in time to who I was when I was too young to truly care about what other people thought of me.  And it is exciting to revisit that little girl, to unwrap her and let her breathe again.  To allow her to stretch and explore and make mistakes and trip and fall and get back up again, all without judgement or expectation other than she find her way to her inner truth.

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