Surrender

Surrender.  For so many years when I saw that word all I could picture was a tiny white flag meekly raised signalling a giving in, giving over, or giving up.  I felt that entwined with the idea of surrender was loss and acknowledgement of failure. 

What I have started to realize and internalize is the beauty that comes with surrender.  How the act of letting go is actually based in strength, not weakness.  How it takes strength to let go and be comfortable with the unknown.  To float and trust that you are being supported and brought to where you need to be, when you need to be there.  

And as lovely as this all sounds on paper, I will admit the first time I actually considered surrendering I felt scared.  Actually releasing the hold I had on outcomes was frightening.  Until I realize that I really had never HAD control of outcomes.  I may have believed that I did and that by choking the reins I was holding onto that, but in reality all I had a hold of was wasted energy.  One of the teachings in our yoga training was all about following your dharma, your reason for being here.  Finding that passion that lights you up and moving towards fulfilling that in your life.  And in order to really release into that, changing your focus from being centred on the outcome of your work and instead chanelling that energy towards your work, and letting the outcomes happen.  Much easier said than done.  It is hard to release your attempts to make something happen and to just focus on the doing instead.  

Bringing lessons off the mat and into your daily life is sometimes hard to do.  I found this one difficult to wrap my head around at first, as I feel like so much of our daily work life is focused on the outcomes and we have been deeply programmed to strive and grasp for those check marks in the many boxes that define our purpose.  The one place where I really noticed how this change in mindset brought a positive ending was on the water.  One morning I was late arriving to paddle board so was rushing to get in the water and catch up with the group.  As I started to paddle I could make them out a fair distance away and so I began to try paddling faster to catch them.  Immediately I could feel the instability set in and my board was rocking and I needed to slow down to steady it.  When I came to terms with the fact that paddling faster was not the answer and just settled into a more steady and settled pace, I found that I made progress much more quickly and with less chance of bailing into the lake as well, and with the pressure off I could actually enjoy the process as opposed to cursing how long it was taking me to make progress.

Like so many things, this will remain a practice, not a perfect for me.  I know that I will need to remind myself that it is okay to surrender control.  And not only is it okay, it is actually the best way to end up at your destination.  

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Solar Return Reflections

 As I embark on a new solar return, I am compelled to reflect on the year that is closing behind me. Exercises like these often have us remembering the big wins or struggles, the notable changes and shifts that have taken place, the happenings that are impossible to ignore. And while all of those items are important to note, savour, and pay attention to, I find myself drawn to the smaller moments in time. The almost imperceptible yet impactful catalysts that are most often responsible for growth.  What I find interesting about those tiny agitators is the amount of pain and discomfort they often create as they push us to respond. Like the grain of sand in our shoe that will cause a blister if we don't stop to remove it, ignoring these pain points only leads to longer-lasting, deeper dis-ease if not attended to. It was during a visit with a dear friend this past week that this point was driven home for me. I was describing to her a feeling of overwhelm I had been dealing with (o...
Read more

Letting Go

 This past weekend, I helped my eldest son as he prepared to take the next big step in his life's adventures.  It felt bittersweet to watch as he packed up the room in his apartment, in anticipation of setting up a new room in a new city in the near future.  I have felt proud of him over the past few months as he has navigated many unknowns and new situations with a sense of certainty and enthusiasm for what lies ahead.  Deep down, I marvelled at his ability to let go, to embrace the new opportunities being presented while letting go of the life he had been establishing over the past couple of years.  Thinking back to when I was his age, I am not sure that I would have had the ability to make these same decisions so easily.  Sure, I have had my fair share of tough choices and have navigated change as I have journeyed through life. Still, I have often felt a sense of dis-ease when it comes to letting go of what is or has been to make room for what might be....
Read more

Cheer Stations

 Yesterday, I ran my fifth full marathon, my first in two years.  The idea felt daunting at first - I hadn't forgotten how all-encompassing the training could feel, spanning sixteen weeks and requiring hundreds of kilomteters to be travelled simply to complete those last 42.2.  And yet, there I was, signing up and taking on the work. Training went well - the weeks seemed to pass more quickly than I expected them to, and despite a slightly cranky hamstring, my body and mind adapted to the workouts and didn't put up roadblocks along the way.  Getting up and getting out for those early morning runs and long weekend runs became routine, and something I looked forward to.  Especially the long runs that had me crossing the city instead of sticking to very well-worn routes from previous training blocks.  Friends started to inquire about the big day, and I noticed that many of them seemed to be more excited about the race than I was.  With it not being my firs...
Read more