It Doesn't ALWAYS Have to Be Hard

 With the arrival of snow and colder weather, I feel like it is safe to say that we are tipping into winter.  In the past I have enjoyed running through the winter, despite the cold starts and slippery steps.  There has always been something peaceful about the experience that has encouraged me to take part.  This year has felt different.  Even before we had our first snow, I was starting to feel hesitation to lace up and go.  I couldn't put my finger on it, and with two spring races on the roster (both deferrals from 2019) it was starting to make me feel a bit uneasy and also worried.  What was wrong with me?  Was I falling out of love with running?  

This past weekend my first in-person race took place and I met the day with some trepidation.  It had been snowing and was a bit blustery, but nothing compared to the last time I ran this race in December of 2019 (gale-force winds, sleet, ice on the ground etc.)  I was kicking myself for signing up to run in person when I could have chosen virtual and decided when I did the run.  Instead, there I was standing at a bus stop waiting to make my way to the start, wondering if I turned around and went home now, would anyone really notice?  Thankfully the bus arrived before I could put any energy behind those thoughts and before I knew it, I was at the start.  It was interesting being at an event like that after a couple of years of running solo.  Seeing all of the familiar sights and snippets of conversation, I started to remember why I enjoyed these experiences and started to shake off some of my earlier reservations.  

Running in the snow and wind was not easy, it never is, and the feeling of elation at the end was just what I needed to help further banish the negative thoughts I had been entertaining.  Having this one run under my belt I realized that it wasn't so bad and the winter training ahead would be achievable after all.

Putting this theory to the test, a couple of days later I planned on my first snowy morning run.  I was up earlier than usual to ensure I would be home in time to get the boys up and going for their days.  Again the little gremlins of doubt were nagging at me "do you really need to do this?"  "maybe another rest day would be a good idea" etc.  Instead I went into autopilot and got dressed and ready to head out.  Just as I was pulling on my jacket I thought that maybe adding arm warmers underneath would be a good idea.  I little extra warmth would be nice.  I shook off the knowledge that "real runners" would poo-poo such an idea and that I was likely going to be too warm as I got going.  Instead I opted for the loving kindness approach and put on the extra layer.  

Immediately I could feel a shift take place.  Just that one act of self love started to make me change how I was approaching this outing all together.  As I headed out and got going I became lost in thought, and also consumed by paying attention to the sidewalk and safe footing.  Before I knew it I was at my turnaround point, a little farther than I had originally expected to be.  And that is when it dawned on me...it doesn't always have to be hard.  Sometimes we can accomplish goals and not need to beat ourselves up terribly to do so.  Sometimes we might even ENJOY the work involved in those accomplishments, and that doesn't mean that the accomplishment was too easy or not meaningful.  What it means is that we have likely already done the hard work and now are reaping the benefits of that earlier effort.

Sure, my pace was not up where it had been before the snow hit, and that was perfectly okay by me.  The realization of not needing to always be pushing outside of my comfort zone was a huge eye opener and as I thought about it more, that was the key that would get me back out again.  I feel like it is so easy to become conditioned to expect that all of our work towards goals or achievements has to be difficult, needs to be exhausting and if we don't have that experience then we either didn't really try or put our heart into it.  I call BS on that.  

In my mind I can see the road to achievements being filled with ups, downs and plateaus.  Sometimes we are called to work and push uphill, sometimes we feel like we are coasting and maybe in between goals or in "active rest" between pushes.  Other times we may actually feel a downhill approaching that is going to provide momentum into the next uphill climb.  No matter what the terrain, our experience of the work will be unique to the moment when we are in the middle of it.  The beautiful thing is that we don't always need to be pushing ourselves to redlining in order to cross a finish line.  Sometimes we may feel like we floated across with a strong tailwind and that doesn't mean that we didn't actually break the tape and finish strong.  What it means is that we often are doing a lot of work that we aren't giving ourselves credit for and that in turn will show up in how we perform down the road.  So let's make an effort to add some loving kindness to our work and give ourselves the ability to enjoy the journey as well as the feeling of satisfaction when we finally reach our destination.