Taking Stock

 It's a funny thing how coming to the end of a year can kick start an inner dialogue about achievement.  Speaking from the "I", for me it often is not a self-talk filled with high fives and pats on the back.  Instead it often is from a lens of what I have crossed of "the list" with a heavy lean towards what I have not managed to cross off quite yet.  And with the days on the calendar quickly passing, those incomplete items are not likely to be magically completed before the ball drops on the 31st.

This year I am going to try something different and I invite you to do the same.  Instead of trying to think back to what intentions I had set in January, which feels like an awfully long time ago, I am going to look at where I am right now as I sit here in my pajamas, typing away.  I am going to take stock of what I have going on in my life that I feel is serving me, and also those things that may have manage to creep their way onto my radar and are not in my best interest.  

For the items that are serving me, that I know are filling my cup and that I even feel proud of, I will think back to a month ago, or two months ago and see where I was at with these.  Had I been on the path to where I am now?  Were these even on my radar?  Once I have taken that in, I will think back a little bit further to try and see when these actually did appear for me and to appreciate the progress that has been made in the time that they have been a part of my life.  I am pretty sure I will not nail it, as far as figuring out when the origins were, and that is okay.  What I am more interested in is just noticing the progress that I have made, even on my works in progress.  Instead of labeling them as incomplete I am going to appreciate the energy that has been put towards them so far, and if they are indeed serving me, I will also ensure that they remain on my radar as intentions that I bring forward with me into the new year. 

For the items that I know are not in my best interest, and yet have managed to find a way to divert some of my energy, I will also complete a similar exercise.  Notice how they truly make me feel, honestly acknowledge how much of my time and energy they are stealing and maybe sit with them long enough to determine why they are here.  Are they providing distraction that is allowing me to procrastinate on making a move that is outside of my comfort zone?  Are they a part of an old pattern that I could release?  Are they a go-to in times of stress?  Is there an alternative to what they have been providing that I could move towards instead?  No judgement required here, just an open mind and open heart and a willingness to try something new.  Perhaps there is a point where these started to crop up and I can relate that to something that I am working through, or trying to ignore.  My one goal is to work through all of these explorations from a place of loving kindness towards myself, knowing that anything I have put in place is likely a protective measure and was put in place unconsciously.

If this seems like a lot of work, that is because it is.  And please don't think for a moment that as soon as I finish writing, I will start this deep dive.  I expect that these explorations will come to me as I move through my days, on a walk, on my bike trainer, on a run.  And they will come in their own way and in their own time.  Perhaps I won't have my answers even as we do move into the new year, and that's okay.  Cultivating the practice of self awareness is an over-arching intention that I want to carry with me into each new year, and if I am in the midst of discovery on January 1, I guess that I will be hitting the ground running (hopefully literally as well as metaphorically).