Reflections on 2021

 When I first sat down to write, I hesitated at the idea of posting a reflection piece.  In the past couple of weeks there seems to have been a deluge of these types of memes, posts and stories that I didn't know if I wanted to add to it all.  Yet here I am on the first day of 2022 and my mind is wandering back to review and reflect on what 2021 brought and what I can carry forward with me into the new year.

Three hundred and sixty five days are a lot to ponder in any given year, never mind in a year that has been as changeable as the last one was.  Where do we even begin?  I found myself trying to remember what I was thinking and feeling a year ago - hope, fear, uncertainty...I'm sure that they were all present.  I then started to think about what I am feeling now, in this moment, and have to admit that those same three are present, and are also joined by appreciation, gratitude and knowledge of inner strength.  

I started to think about what has changed for me over the past year - work, relationships, health, spirituality and one resounding theme came forward no matter where I looked.  No matter what has happened, what accomplishments I have achieved or lessons I've learned, all of them point towards a sense of coming home to myself.  To getting closer to my real self.  Little by little, shedding the built-up layers of being for others and instead allowing myself to just be for me.  As simple as that may sound, it is some of the hardest work I think that I have ever done.  It  has required a level of trust and belief in myself that I have not felt comfortable with or even felt like I was allowed to have.  Even typing those words feels raw.  The acknowledgement that I have been basing much of who I am on what outside information I have been given and ignoring the voice inside who actually knows my truth.  Shortchanging my inner wisdom for the potential acceptance of others with the side effect of never really feeling like I belonged anywhere.

So as much as the work has been hard, and will be something I remain aware of and continue on with, it has also been some of the most fulfilling work I have taken on.  Because it has allowed me to finally be...ME!  To walk in this world as authentically as I am able to.  To know and share the gifts that I possess and to feel like I am more connected to myself and to others than I have allowed myself to be in the past.  To take deep breaths and face fear and vulnerability knowing that I will come out the other side stronger or wiser than I was before.  Also learning to be compassionate to myself as I continue to learn and grow because life is for living and learning and without missteps and missed goals we would never really move forward.

Yes, 2021 was often a shitty year filled with a lot of memories that I will be happy to leave behind as we move ahead.  It was also a year that propelled so many of us forward in one way or another and for those moments and opportunities I will remain grateful.  

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