Preemptive Edits

 I was listening to Unlocking Us the other morning and Brene Brown's conversation with Domee Shi.  Domee is an Academy Award-winning animator who directed the film Turning Red for Pixar studios.  She was walking through her background and how her career at Pixar came to be.  At one point she was working on her short film Bao as a side project, and decided to submit it as part of an open call for theatrical shorts.  What I found so fascinating about this story was that she decided to change the original ending before she pitched it because of some feedback she had been given and also out of concern that the original ending was too weird or might not be happy enough to be accepted.  During her pitch one of the executives stood up and said that the version she had put forward was not the same one that she had shown him before and asked if she could come back with the original ending.  She reverted back to the original, messier and less traditional ending and Bao ended up being chosen.

What stood out for me in this story was how often we are tempted to preemptively edit our story to fit the narrative that we think others would prefer or expect from us.  We make changes, tidy things up and tuck in the rough edges despite the fact that these very things are what makes our experiences uniquely ours.  I think back to the many times I have done this very thing and how by doing this I have stood in the way of someone getting to know the real me.  How many of our relationships are actually built upon these false versions of ourselves and at what price?  Can we ever really know anyone if they never show us who they are, even in their less than perfect moments?

Brene Brown always encourages listeners to be awkward, brave and kind and I feel like this was a big take away from the conversation.  Imagine a world where people actually did just that - shed the photo filters, the multiple attempts to get the "just right" selfie, or the staged-yet-casual pictures on their social media feeds and actually shared moments of reality.  Moments of imperfection, of real emotion and perhaps unexpected moments as well.  I believe that if more of us were brave enough to show the world who we are and own it, less people would feel the need to change their story to suit an expectation (that likely doesn't even exist, anyways).  In my mind, those moments of being real are so much more attractive and welcome than any perfect sunset or family picture ever will be.  Because life is not scripted and often does not flow the way we wished it would, so why are we so hell-bent on trying to convince others that we have managed to figure out how to make it all work perfectly?

Domee shared a phrase that appeared in a meme related to Turning Red - "I am cringe, but I am free".  I absolutely LOVE this!  I mean who has not experienced a complete and utter cringe-worthy moment, and at the same time also has felt a sense of being free once that moment has passed.  Letting go of the idea that we can control all outcomes and make things perfect, and instead embracing the fact that being awkward, brave and kind is actually what being human is all about, and what a well-lived life is all about.

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