It's Complicated

Lately, I've been thinking about the phrase "it's complicated".  So often used to describe moments or situations in our lives that seem out of joint or alignment or are just "off" for reasons that are usually hard to pinpoint.  What is this phrase actually telling us about our situation, and what, if anything, can we do about it?

Thinking back over my life, especially the more recent years, there have been numerous times when "it's complicated" accurately described how I was living.  Stretched in many directions, trying to juggle competing priorities, and facing the discomfort of stress and dis-ease that came with the territory.  Despite the innate knowledge that something was amiss, I was reluctant to admit or assess my situation through the eyes of someone ready to make a change.  Instead, I did my best to continue the charade of handling it all and if anyone asked how I was doing, I would simply nod and exclaim "great!"  It WAS complicated.  I knew that how I was living was unsustainable, and yet I felt like my inability to do it all was a sign of weakness.  I was convinced that lots of other people were handling bigger loads with less effort, so what the heck was wrong with me?

Fortunately, I started to listen to that inner voice before I reached my breaking point, and began to slowly and thoughtfully unwind myself from the web of busyness I had created.  It was not easy to let go of things and as my calendar opened up I found myself looking at the free spaces as invitations to start something new.  Resisting that urge was harder than letting go had been.  Learning to hold space for myself and for the unknowns that could come my way was a huge step toward uncomplicating my life.

The other area where I have felt complication tapping me on the shoulder has been in regards to relationships in my life.  I firmly believe that much like good fences make good neighbors, strong boundaries lead to strong relationships.  And this is where things have often become complicated for me.  Even recently I have encountered a situation where wanting to believe the best about someone meant that I was turning a blind eye to the reality of our relationship.  It feels complicated to like someone and also acknowledge that they are not treating you how you deserve to be treated.  It feels daunting to address the issue by stating and holding boundaries, yet the peace that comes with that exercise cannot be underrated.  And it feels scary to stand in your power and hold true to what you know in your gut needs to happen, even if it means the end of a connection.  

I suppose it all boils down to believing in our inner voice and trusting the knowledge that our inner wisdom holds.  Despite our protests or beliefs about things being complicated, they only seem that way because we are unwilling to make the change or do the work required to uncomplicate them.  It is our need to hold on to old narratives, old relationships, and old realities that leaves the door open for complication to snake its way into our lives.  What would happen if we trusted more, resisted less, and replaced fear of the unknown with belief in our self-worth?