The Vulnerability of Excitement

 When was the last time that you truly felt excited about something?  Had a swarm of butterflies swirling in your guts and electricity zapping through your body?  That feeling of waking up early on a special morning and trying to will the clock to move ahead so all surprises would be revealed?  I can tell you honestly that it has been SEVERAL minutes since I last allowed myself to surrender to excitement.

I have felt many moments of "optimistic enthusiasm" or "subdued elation" but definitely not the full-blown experience of being really excited about something.  It feels much safer to keep things lower-key because there is much less vulnerability involved.  Being excited means that you are putting out into the world a few things:

1) This is something that I really want, which in turn opens you up to judgment from others on what that something is

2) If said event/item/person doesn't quite work out the way you had hoped, there is the inevitable sense of loss and potential feelings of "shoulda known better" that often comes with that

3) if I never allow myself to feel the highest highs, maybe I won't feel the lowest lows

What I have come to realize is that stunting one emotion stunts them all and that I have potentially missed out on moments of joy that accompany the anticipation of something important to me.   There are simply more colours in life when we open our palette of emotions up and allow more feelings to coexist.  There is also a type of bravery in feeling it all and being vulnerable to what that might mean, no matter what the outcome.  

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