Acceptance

When I think of the word "acceptance" my mind immediately moves towards negative or difficult scenarios in my life - acceptance of things not going as I had hoped, acceptance of needing to put more work in towards a goal, acceptance of what I see when I look in the mirror.  While I believe that working towards equanimity is an important ingredient in a fulfilled life, I also wonder why acceptance sometimes feels like waving a white flag.

Looking back at my life, I can clearly see how my discomfort with acceptance has led me towards burnout and exhaustion.  Faced with the choice to accept things as they are or push as hard as I can to try and change the trajectory, I often have opted for door number two.  Sometimes this choice has led me to breakthroughs and has brought me successes that felt good in the moment.  Other times, not so much.  And those wins have often been short-lived, as the energy required to maintain them or the outcome has simply not been sustainable.  

This leads me to wonder how it would feel to pair acceptance with more positive aspects of life?  Like allowing myself to accept help, accept compliments, accept being taken care of, and doing so without feeling guilt or dis-ease.  Perhaps it is more an act of allowing than accepting - letting go of discomfort tied to not being in control and being open to others taking the wheel.  Learning to admit that there are times when I need to be helped and enjoy being taken care of, even if it feels indulgent to let the spotlight shine my way.

Much of this feels like softening a hard stance I have held for a long time.  Undoing this thinking will take time, but that time feels like it has arrived.  And I feel ready to accept the changes that will come as I slowly and thoughtfully ease my hold on what has always been and surrender to the unknown.

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