Finding Love

This week marked another full moon and the start of a new energy cycle.  For those of us who feel so inclined, there is often a desire to tap into this energy by letting go of things that are not serving us.  These intentions to move on by letting go can sometimes feel easy to conjure up, but sometimes can be more difficult to articulate.  While letting go of heavy burdens is quite freeing, there are times in our lives when we might not feel this need quite so deeply.  Perhaps we have done the work we need to do and are in a period of integration or recalibration.  And maybe letting go is not always what will be of the highest service to us.

Lately I have been wondering about this and have started to think more about what I usually focus on when I want to shed weight.  What I have started to realize is that I am often more intent on shedding parts of myself that feel like they aren't serving me, almost like a snake sloughing off its outer layer as it continues to grow.  And while this might seem like an exercise that would bring piece of mind and ultimately lead towards growth, it also feels like a convenient way to sidestep shadow traits that bring discomfort to acknowledge.

It feels easy to find love for the parts of us that we tend to receive praise for or that feel more socially acceptable, but what about the parts of us that we feel less "proud" of?  What would happen if we could find some love for those parts also?  It has taken me a long time to recognize that feelings and emotions are not right or wrong; they have just been stigmatized as such and often the ones that are considered "bad" are only trying to protect us or guide us back towards a more authentic path.

Could we start to see others with a more respectful lens or with less judgement if we first held less judgement for ourselves?  I wonder if we tend to react to others who are displaying the parts that we are not loving because they are reflecting them back at us, making it hard to ignore or pretend they don't exist.

Personally, I have felt this way with aspects of my personality.  I am not one to draw attention to myself because of a fear or belief that this "self promotion" will turn others off.  Instead, I would rather wait patiently for someone to notice me or what I have done, and am oftentimes left feeling disappointed when this does not happen.  I find that when I see others displaying accomplishments it makes me bristle because deep down I want to be able to do the same but feel I can't.  What if I were to allow myself to step outside of that hard boundary I have set and celebrate wins?  Could I be more open to seeing others doing the same?

With all of this in mind, I feel that perhaps instead of letting go I need to hold on a bit more tightly to all of what makes me who I am.  I need to hug the neglected parts I have attempted to disown a bit more tightly and slowly find love for both the darkness and light that combine to make me whole.