I've Got the Power

 The first week of September marks a time of fresh starts, new beginnings, and a return to routine. It was no different for me this year—last week brought with it a return to school and a return to something that had not been on my radar: a return to the gym.  

My history of working out has spanned a few decades now. It has taken many different formats over the years, from traditional gyms, to community centres, and to my basement or bedroom.  I have always enjoyed the strength that came with lifting weights and the ability to work on loosening the grip of old narratives around my lack of athleticism.  I often felt a pang of frustration though, at never quite getting the results I dreamed of (Linda Hamilton's arms in the Terminator movie) and eventually moving away from it due to competing interests and priorities. 

Lately, I began to notice an undeniable pull back towards weights and feeling intrigued about what bringing this practice back into my life could offer.  I decided to stop wondering and start doing and signed up for a six-week introductory package that got me back behind bars.  Last Monday marked day one and filled with nervous anticipation, I headed off to the gym to face my first workout unsure of what lay ahead.

It didn't take long for me to be reminded of the feelings of satisfaction and accomplishment that come with moving weights.  The focus and intentionality required spoke to me, as did my muscles on the wobbly walk home.  As I slowly made my way over the bridge that separates my apartment from the gym, I had time to think about the morning's workout and its symbolism.  

I began to realize how much power I possess, and how often over the years I have given this power away for many different reasons:  to be liked, to be accepted, to keep the peace, to fit in, to not make others uncomfortable, to keep myself small.  As I let these thoughts sink in, I felt a sense of closure wrap around my heart.  I could finally pull on the thread that would unravel these old stories and stitch together new ones that better represent who I am and who I am becoming.  I love the idea of strength being built from the inside out and look forward to these mornings that challenge old beliefs and limits. 

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