Merge Lanes

I remember when I was first learning to drive.  How excited and terrified was to be navigating a potentially deadly machine through the city streets.  The sense of freedom it gave me was kept in check by my deep sense of responsibility as I sat behind the wheel.  I remember feeling terribly nervous whenever I saw a sign indicating I needed to merge lanes with nearby drivers.  Merging lanes while driving requires trust -- you need to believe that the drivers you are merging with will allow you to slide into this new shared lane unscathed.  I am finding that this same type of exercise is taking place in other areas of my life lately.

The merging that is taking place for me feels like an inside job.  It is a merging of old ideas and beliefs with newer, greener ones.  Instead of replacing the old or casting it off completely, I am working on finding ways to comingle these older ways of being with who I am becoming as I change and grow.  Perhaps this is a midway point between what was and what will be -- I am uncertain.  What I do know is that the act of bringing these two worlds together feels like a huge exercise in patience and trust.  

Making room for these newer ideas to flourish while respecting the more entrenched and foundational pieces of who I am is not easy.  Bright, shiny objects are much more fun to pay attention to, and these older aspects of self feel like they have had enough time in the spotlight.  But they are the dependable, reliable, and unwavering characteristics that have managed to get me where I find myself today so they need a place, even if their role is diminishing.  There is comfort in routine and sometimes we need that safe space to return to while we recalibrate and determine what our next best action is.  This is often where I find myself feeling antsy and wondering "I am truly stuck or just in need of a little rest before moving forward again?"

Trust in the process, trust that I am heading in the path that makes the most sense for me, and trust in the unknown are all big pieces of the work ahead.  I am a person who loves a plan, and not having one does make me feel a bit untethered.  Magic lies in the place between and I also need to trust that all of the work is leading somewhere.  Having no clear-cut plan just means that the sky, and my inability to find that deep trust, are the only limits. 

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