Or Am I?

Have you ever listened to how you describe yourself to others - the words you use, the phrases, and the descriptors.  One day, I caught myself repeating a very tired narrative that I realized was inaccurate and decided to start paying closer attention.  Each time I found myself starting down that worn-out path of self-limiting, and often self-depreciating language, I stopped and started again, despite feeling awkward and sometimes uncomfortable using new, more positive phrases to paint a picture of who I am.

I wonder how many opportunities I have allowed to pass me by simply by convincing myself that "I am not the kind of person that can do _____".  This is not to say that I have a shortage of activities and adventures under my belt, nor do I feel like I have missed out on living a pretty big life.  What it makes me realize is how powerful the spoken word can be, and how we can use this power either to our benefit or deficit.  We not only communicate these ideas about who we are to others, we internalize these messages and they eventually become an ingrained part of our personal beliefs.  Repetition strengthens these stories, leading us to accept them as truth.

What would it feel like to look a challenge in the eyes, and instead of thinking "I am not the kind of person who does this" add on "Or am I?"  That short phrase feels like a permission slip granting the opportunity to rethink limits.  It feels like a key that could unlock a door leading to new outcomes, or the potential to dream big.  It feels like taking power back, expanding beliefs, and pushing boundaries.  And it also feels a bit cheeky and fun.  

Although I tend to not start a new year with a list of resolutions and rules for the days ahead, I do like to set intentions to serve as guideposts for the year.  This year my intention is to wonder "Or am I?" when faced with a situation that I am ready to talk myself out of or talk myself into.  And while this could sound like the start of a year filled with audacious goals and oversubscribing, I feel like it might do the very opposite.  You see, "Or am I?" may help to reduce the number of sparkly objects that tend to catch my attention and draw me in.  And it may also make me rethink following patterns of behaviour that I engage in simply because I always have.  Instead of automatically signing up for a race or event, I can pause to ask "Or am I?" to see how it actually feels to think about the preparation/training/time involved for said event.  (My trigger finger tends to be quite sensitive when I see race emails, so this will be a practice, not a perfect for sure.)

Being more mindful about where time is spent and the why behind the activities I put energy into will be an interesting way to approach the months ahead.  It will also feel fun to challenge the image of who I think I am while on the path to discovering who I really am.