Coming From a Place of Strength

In light of Valentine's Day and the focus on relationships this time of year brings, I found myself reflecting on the relationship that I have had with my body over the years.  I was not what you would call an athletic child.  Sure I would spend many hours outdoors with my friends riding bikes, playing games, and adventuring around the neighbourhood, but I was not involved in any organized sports and did not excel in gym class at school.  I was a bit chubby and remember hoping and wishing that I would magically grow into my body one day, sprouting up enough inches to stretch my flesh across a longer frame.  That wish didn't come true, and I found myself looking for other ways to try and combat what I had determined was a problem -- restrictive eating, excessing exercising, and eventually going to a weight counselling centre where I was put on a diet that helped me lose excess weight.  At no time on that weight-loss journey did anyone mention the importance of regular movement as an integral part of fitness.

As I entered my twenties, fitness became something that intrigued me and I joined my first women's only gym with a friend.  My routine at that point consisted of hours on the Stairmaster and a very basic machine-based circuit program.  It was rudimentary, but I was hooked and when that membership expired I moved onto a more serious gym where I fell in love with lifting weights.  

Fast-forward MANY year, many gym memberships, and many iterations of workout plans to the present day where I still found myself in search of the ever elusive sense of being truly fit.  Enough was enough and last September I signed myself up for a "serious" lifting gym, the one option I had yet to explore.  I was intimidated, curious, and excited the first time I walked into this gym, as I wasn't sure if I had what it would take to join the ranks of other powerful women who lifted.  The feeling of homecoming that washed over me as I worked through that first day was incredible.  THIS was what I had been missing for so long.  And I knew that this was what would bring me to where I wanted to be.

 Four weeks ago we began a transformation challenge at the gym, and not being one to shy away from a challenge, I decided to go for it.  When I had my prep call prior to starting this adventure, I was asked what my goal was and for the first time ever it was NOT to try and become smaller.  For the first time in my life I was actually looking to become stronger, regardless of what that might look like on my body or as reflected by numbers on the scale.  

As the weeks went by, and the workouts progressed I could feel changes taking place, but I didn't expect the work I was doing inside the gym to translate to strength gains ouside of the gym regarding my emotional, mental, and spiritual health.  As my lifts increased in weight, I began to reimagine myself as someone who is strong, and doesn't need to shrink or become less than.  Most importantly, I started to find peace with the younger version of myself who never felt good in her body and as a result didn't treat herself with the respect she deserved.  

It all came together while shovelling snow after a run during last week's storms. As I continued to clear away the mounds and piles of snow I could feel a sense of strength and fitness I have not possessed before. For the first time I felt strong, stable, and limitless in my body.  It made me realize that it is never too late to put yourself first, to listen to what you need, and then to go after it, in whatever shape or form that happens to be.  We all possess the ability to heal past hurts and wounds and to nurture the younger versions of ourselves who are looking for love.