Deep Cleaning

 This past weekend, I took part in a ritual that is somewhat new for me:  I did a deep spring cleaning of my space.  It's not that I never clean my apartment; what I don't usually do is devote the better part of a day to the act of diving into dustball rabbit holes and the like.  As I moved from room to room, scanning for nooks and crannies that needed my attention, I realized I was involved in something more than a physical cleanse.  I was also embarking on an emotional cleanse. 

I have often thought of myself as a sentimental soul.  I tend to hold onto things that I am given or that represent special times in my life, and have a hard time parting with these artifacts even long after the moment has passed.  As I moved through my physical space, cleaning and rearranging things, I began to notice items whose importance felt diminished.  Reminders of times that have passed, and whose presence is not necessarily required moving forward.  Some of these felt easier to move on from than others, and made their way into donation bags without a second thought.  Others caused me to pause and question if I was ready to say goodbye to their physical presence and memories. 

The more I pondered this question, the clearer the answer became - moving on from some of these items feels like closing a chapter on my life, and in some cases, that feels hard to do. 

Anyone who knows me knows that I am someone who does not hesitate to try out new hobbies that catch my eye.  I have dabbled and pursued many interesting activities from playing piano to speed skating, and many in between.  Not all of the hobbies I explore are ones I stick with, for one reason or another, and as a result, I am often left owning bits and pieces of related equipment and items.  Sometimes I am very ready to find new homes for these items, and other times it is harder.  Maybe I will come back to said hobby at a later date, and how annoying would it be to reinvest in an item that I once owned?  The fact that these items may not take up a lot of physical space doesn't mean that they aren't taking up mental and emotional space, which is more precious in my estimation.

That way of thinking is slowly starting to change for me.  I am realizing that part of the reason many of these pastimes have been set aside is because their time has passed for me.  The enjoyment I once had has waned and likely will never come back.  This is not quitting, this is admitting that there is a time and a place for everything, and sometimes we need to move on and make room for what we are truly called toward.  I find this very hard to do, and yet I am also finding myself feeling more ready to start making this transition from someone who holds onto everything to someone who wants to make room for what comes next.  Moving on from who I was to who I am becoming, on a physical and emotional level, feels freeing and like a direction I am ready to lean towards as I Kerri on down the road.