Trusting the Process

 Learning to trust the process feels like a very repetitive lesson in my life.  Brought forward each time a new challenge or change is on the horizon and I am left feeling uneasy and unsure of the next steps or how to exactly proceed.  And there is the crux of it - the burning desire to have the path plotted out for me.  The more I think about this, the more I realize that it is a lack of trust in myself and my ability to navigate that puts me in a place of feeling lost without clear directions. 

This lack of self-trust manifests itself in many areas of life.  I notice it most often when faced with tasks or opportunities that fall outside of what I consider to be my wheelhouse.  I suppose nothing is surprising in that - where we feel the most outside of our natural comfort zone is likely where we will feel the most challenge when trying something new.  At the gym, for example, the number of times I have been ready to choose a lighter weight or stop at a rep number that I have preset in my head as my limit, only to be amazed when I actually can lift more once encouraged by a coach.  What seems more surprising to me is that no one else is surprised when I can complete these lifts, only me.  The way others see me versus how I see myself is a clue to where these trust inconsistencies exist.

I know that being gentle with myself is necessary, as we are all here on Earth school to learn lessons. My lessons are all about trust and confidence.  Feeling unsure and staying steady, not knowing the outcome but swallowing down the bitter taste of fear, and being open to things not working out the way I wish they would because there is likely a better outcome waiting for me just a little further along my journey.

I share all of this because I know I am not alone in my self-doubt.  I know that many of the folks I meet and walk through the world with are waging the same battles and feeling unsettled.  My hope is that by shining a light on this we can all become a bit softer and more understanding of ourselves.  I know that my trust issues are not going away overnight and that allowing my inner critic to take the wheel is not going to speed that process along.  Instead, I will employ a counter-intuitive strategy of kindness instead of frustration when I feel myself following a familiar rut of second-guessing myself or stopping myself short of stretching for a new goal.  And even more kindness if that reach is slightly short or the goal is not quite met, as it is the process I am looking to reward, not always the outcome.