Embodiment

 As mentioned in my last post, I ended 2025 with a focus on shedding the old to make space for the new year, new experiences, and fresh perspectives. This involved a lot of cleaning and purging of old paperwork, items, and clothing that were no longer needed, no longer fit, or were no longer relevant.  It felt invigorating and purposeful to go through this exercise, and I highly recommend it to anyone who feels that same pull.

One area that I didn't spend as much time on involved my personal physical space...my body, to be precise.  While I was busy making way for the newness that a new year brings, I didn't devote time to evaluating my relationship with my body, how I present myself, and how I feel about myself.  Just reading that last line makes me think, "No wonder!"  Who in their right mind would take time out to make THAT deep dive?

It wasn't until I listened to Jen Hatmaker's book Awake: A Memoir that I realized the work I still needed to do.  In her memoir, Jen tenderly shares the unsettling upheaval of her marriage and the journey she took to come back to herself.  So much of what she shared resonated with me, especially the parts related to self-care and self-acceptance.  She, like so many of us, spent years ignoring her own needs to provide for others, and in doing so, created an unhealthy and neglectful relationship with herself.  The a-ha moment came for me when she shared a conversation that took place in her therapist's office regarding her habit of referring to her body as It.  This tendency to make our bodies a third-person is common - it feels natural to talk about our bodies as if they weren't in the room.  And if you are like me, the relationship you have had (or do have) with your body feels exactly like that -- detached and clinical.  Jen's therapist suggested that instead of using the pronoun It, she refer to her body using she/her.  This felt awkward at first, but over time began to come easier, and with the ease came a different feeling about her body.  A shift took place over time, and her body was given the respect and reverence that it deserved.  

This really resonated with me, as I all too often other my body, usually casting stones at perceived shortcomings and frustrations regarding its functionality and abilities.  I have only started to listen more closely and accept the wisdom it tries to valiantly share with me, and not surprisingly, it is those moments when I start to feel like I am really in synch with myself.  Why have I been so hesitant to really inhabit my body?  I think it is out of fear of feeling what is really going on deep inside.  It's so much easier to go for a run or other physical distraction, versus taking the time to give her space to speak and be heard. 

So this is some of the work I intend to carry forward into the new year - allowing myself to embody my body.  To make up for so many years of trying to silence her, and instead to offer open arms and an open heart for her wisdom and needs.  I realize that I cannot continue to grow and evolve while refusing to make space for my entire self.