Making Peace

At the start of the year, I noticed an online trend of folks looking back at pictures from 2016 to compare where they were and where they are, ten years later.  So, of course, I decided to take a peek and see what was happening in my life a decade ago. 

Looking at the pictures created a wave of emotions, some joyful and some bittersweet. It was not easy to stare into the smiling face of a woman who had no idea what the next ten years would hold for her. I felt sympathy for her, as I knew the journey she would face, and despite there being many moments of true joy, there would also be moments of grief, disappointment, and feelings of failure.

I felt tenderness towards her; she was making the best choices she could with the information she had, trusting her gut and wanting so badly to believe that she was following the best path forward. I felt pride in her strength to course-correct when she could no longer deny that the direction she was headed in was not one she could quietly accept as enough. I felt a need to make peace with her and to lovingly thank her for the steps she took that led me to where I sit today. 

It's not always easy to look back at our past selves with a sense of peace and forgiveness.  In my experience, I find it much easier to lean into shame and frustration, wondering how I could have made the mistakes or missteps I did, and regretting my choices and decisions. What I have come to learn over time is that living in regret and holding onto this toxic emotion keeps us chained to our past. We become immobilized and stuck in a rumination cycle, replaying past events that no longer hold relevance.  Instead, learning to acknowledge what has passed and then letting it go allows us to move forward, while carrying with us the lessons of our past.  We have all been so many incarnations of the people we are today, and in ten years from now, we will once again look back at who we were, perhaps amazed and surprised at all we have learned and accomplished as we have carried on down the road.  

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