Just Keep Swimming

 Lately, I've been identifying with Dory from Finding Nemo, and her reminder to just keep on keeping on, no matter what.  I'm not sure if it's the weather, the lack of sunlight, or the time of year, but all I know is that I've been feeling blah lately.  Low energy, low motivation, and low mood.  I also know that feeling this way is something I find really uncomfortable to sit with, and as a result, I tend to look for ways to alleviate or distract myself from my feelings. 

Being sober, distraction doesn't take the shape of an end-of-the-night glass of something or other anymore. It usually manifests itself in scrolling on my phone, eating for no apparent reason, or taking up a new hobby.  One of the reasons that I have such a variety of interests and unfinished projects lying around my apartment, I suppose.

This time feels different, though.  This time, I feel like I am approaching this period of feeling meh in a new way.  Instead of trying to ignore and go around it, I am going to go straight through it. Instead of feeling bad for feeling bad, I will embrace it and allow it to run its course, knowing that I'll know when this cycle is complete.  Much like the fight-or-flight response, we often get locked into a reaction and don't allow our bodies the time they need to process what is happening, until the end, when the feelings we are experiencing have fully resolved. This is where Dory comes in.

In Finding Nemo, Dory repeats her mantra as she faces difficult times, reminding herself that all she needs to do is just keep swimming, no matter what.  I like this approach because it doesn't feel like extra work being added onto a mind and soul that are already feeling like they've had enough.  Instead, it feels like the act of just getting up every day and doing what you can with what you've got in the tank - whether it be leaning towards the full mark, or closer to empty.

Don't get me wrong, swimming when you don't feel like even putting on a bathing suit isn't easy, and the work of simply getting in the pool and doing a few strokes needs to be appreciated.  Some days that will be enough, and others you'll be doing laps before you realize what has happened.  

My version of swimming is going to look like engaging in activities I know fill my cup, even on days when I'd rather not be bothered doing anything. It will also look like NOT taking up new hobbies just to get that spike of adrenaline that comes from the newness of it all.  It will feel boring at times, and not terribly sexy.  And that's okay because I know that the basic act of showing up and moving through will get me past the blahs and back to a place where I'll be jumping in the pool without a second thought.