Yeses and Nos

 We are often reminded that by saying no more often, we open up possibilities to say yes.  What we don't often hear is that for every yes we say, we are ultimately saying no to something else.  On the surface, this may not seem to be very mindblowing or interesting, as it is a simple statement of cause and effect.  What struck me was not in the cause and effect of this relationship, but in the impact that my yeses could be having on my life.

For those of us who identify as recovering people-pleasers, I think that this message is very important.  Because as a people-pleaser, we tend to give away our yeses indiscriminately at times, in the hopes of keeping the peace, being highly regarded by others, or to reduce inner voices that tell us we need to make others happy to prove our worth.  As we say yes to things that aren't in alignment with us, we are also saying no to opportunities that might be.  While living in a place of maybes and mights is not comfortable or necessarily a productive way to spend time, it is also where growth often takes place.  

While I listened to a podcast that brought these ideas to the surface, I started to reflect on times in my past where I was deep in people-pleasing behaviours, and I thought about the time I spent filling others' cups while mine waited to be replenished.  Perhaps a few well-timed nos might have done the trick. 

Another idea that was brought forward related to the practice of busyness and how we so often find ourselves in a never-ending grind to achieve something for the future, while missing out on the moments that we are living right now.  Doing things for the future you, at the cost of your present being.  Always being focused on a goal that is just out of reach puts us out of contact with where we are today, and just as we reach that future goal, the parameters often shift, and a new target is set up just out of reach, once again.

As I walked and listened and reflected on these ideas, I realized just how powerful both our yeses and nos are.  And the power is in saying yes and no to others and to ourselves.  I think that it's equally important to pause before saying yes to anyone or anything - put your tongue behind your teeth and really think about what it is you are committing to and why.  Then think about what saying yes might mean as far as what you will need to set aside or delay in order to be able to follow through on the commitment you are making.  

While it feels good to be open to possibilities, sometimes those possibilities come on the heels of a well-timed no instead of a multitude of overzealous yeses.