So Many Questions, So Few Answers

 I've been feeling a shift in energy and perspective lately, and it has left me thinking about how I've been living life, the direction I'm going in, and what really matters.  Sounds heavy, I'll admit, and perhaps it's just the typical thoughts that come to mind as we enter the second half of the year.  Today marks the Summer solstice, a time when we celebrate the longest day of the year, and all the sun's energy brings to our lives and the world around us. 

While the summer tends to be a time when we feel more energized and are often more active, I've been feeling a call for quite the opposite lately.  I've been feeling a desire to slow down and spend less energy while I recalibrate and decide if I'm still heading in the right direction.  

It's not that the goals I have set for myself are any less attractive or desirable; it's more about the method of reaching them and whether that still feels true to who I am and who I wish to become. For too long I have employed a "head down, don't look up until it's over" mentality when facing challenges in my life, and that kind of grinding and striving just doesn't feel like where I want to spend my energy these days. Missing out on enjoying the process behind the growth, and on opportunities to learn unexpected lessons or have unplanned experiences, is starting to feel like something I am no longer content with.  I'm open to changing my focus, even if that means shifting some of what I have been focusing on.

So where does that leave me?  With a head full of questions and not many answers. 

As someone who tends towards planning her next moves in a rather thorough way, this liminal space of not knowing and lack of clarity is one I try to avoid at all costs. And yet, I find my thinking about that has even started to change lately.  I'm finding myself feeling more at ease with the not knowing, and taking that as a sign of being exactly where I need to be.  Replacing fear of the unknown with openness to receiving guidance and to thinking outside of my usual scripts.  Writing down my questions and, instead of forcing answers or solutions, sitting with the uncertainty, trusting and knowing that I do have the answers I am seeking, and with patience and time, I will see things more clearly.